When I arrived at Pax House in Pasadena, California for treatment it was suggested to me that that I find a power greater than myself. The wonderful staff told me it didn’t have to be God, just something more powerful than a human. I always struggled with this idea because my parents tried to get me involved in church at a young age before I could appreciate it. When I was about 13 or 14 years old I denounced the whole concept of “God”. I was frustrated and had resentment towards anything related to spirituality. I struggled between having faith in something and running on my own self-will.
One day shortly before I went to drug detox in California I was under the influence and talking to one of my closest friends. He said to me “hey man, you want to know makes me believe there is a higher power” confused I asked, “what bro?”. He looked me dead in the eye and said “because you are still alive”. I stood there absolutely shocked and thought about that. I’ve done a lot of damage to my body and especially my brain. I was told a few years ago that my prefrontal cortex was shot.
That night I just sat there alone and prayed for the first time in three years. I asked for the courage to get help and the next day a technician at Pax House treatment center in Pasadena picked me up. I still struggled a lot with having faith and some days waivers. I still always come back to my higher power. I still come back to prayer. I will never forget what my friend said to me. That will forever keep me going. I am eternally grateful to everything my higher power gave me.
I have a life now, and it’s worth living. I never could have done that on my own.
Houston P, Pax Alumnus